barking_iguana | The rest of my Ouvre from my days on alt.jokes.limericks

These were from a couple of weeks in December, 2002. Australopithicus was only the last in my series of difficult words.

Farmer's Daughter
Said the farmer, depart now, split-likkety
'Bout my daughter I am quite persnickety
But the salesman did feign
To miss the next train
And the daughter, most thoroughly dick-ed he.

Poverty
So cold, their hands could not feel
They decided some coal they must steal
The haul was voluminous
Anthracite and bituminous
'Til one of them started to squeal.

(because "demagogic" and "persnickety" weren't difficult enough)

to which someone responded...
The stealing of coal, well, I tried it.
The high end and low both excited,
but the middle's the best
'cause, unlike the rest,
just one little spark'll lignite it.

(on a quest for difficult? do "diamond," you coal hearted fool, you!)

and I replied
If it's fair luck for which you are roamin'
And you say you need a Good Omen*
The author, named Gaiman'd
Looked for the diamond
which hosted the homer in gloamin'**

* Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett,
** Gabby Hartnett's famous "Homer in the Gloamin' " September 28, 1938, vs.
Pittsburgh's Mace Brown.

Purebred Guernsey
I want to try hunting right now
But I'm quite a bit tipsy somehow
So being the bearer
Of Songs By Tom Lehrer
I'll shoot hunters, and wardens, and cow

A Belated Note to Ralph Nader
I think I recreated this one from memory and posted it here in the past.
That the Dems must be pulled to the left
of ideas they are almost bereft
these statements ring true
though they do make be blue
they carry some serious heft

But to say that Bush is no worse
the same monies will Congress disburse
now you've gone beyond logic
and become demagogic
you're making me learn how to curse

And finally, a response to someone else's post to this largely English newsgroup. They wrote:
There is an old lady called Maud
Who compulsively prays to the Lord
She gabbles away
For twelve hours a day
He must get so terribly bored?

I replied
It's not Muad that did Him disturb
It's your rhyming that will His joy curb
The "R" makes a sound
Your country's not found
As evidenced by your new blurb