I can now report

I can now report that, given a choice between receiving 9 stabs in the belly with an ice pick that misses all vital organs or getting sliced open in the belly with a sword, also missing all vital organs, the ice pick is much to be preferred.

Nine laproscopic incisions. One hernia adjacent to my navel that was bigger than a baseball, and several smaller hernias further up. A mesh inserted that's about 5 inches wide and a foot high. I'm home. It hurts. But it's bearable.